When a bird lands on a reed in the ditch and it bows a little too much, is that when it knows it needs to go on a diet?
I went home today to visit my grandma in the hospital. It was sudden, unexpected and unplanned. Three things I pride myself on not including in my life. Though I am learning that perhaps these are some of the best qualities to include.
Sometimes things happen out of the blue. Friends you haven't talked to in years call you just to say hi and catch up. Your sister calls and asks if you are sitting down - only to tell you that you grandma is in the hospital and they don't know what is wrong. People you thought you could never live your life without walk away without a word and you don't find out why until years later - if ever.
Things that seem like a tragedy at the time are often just a reminder of the fleeting nature of life on this earth. A reminder to suck it up and deal, that it probably isn't as life altering as you may have thought because guess what.. Life is still going on all around you. The question then becomes, when are you going to join it again and stop living in your past.
Things aren't perfect. Grandma still has to get some numbers "in check" before she can head home to the farm again. But just seeing her today did two things for me. First, it made me really appreciate all the time I have had with her and all she has taught me, including the value of family. I trust that this is not the end of that time or that learning. And secondly, her sheer determination that she will be back at the farm, not in the hospital, reminded me of a determined self I once knew. A determined self that isn't afraid to pull up the proverbial "big-girl panties" and deal with life as it comes at her.
So here it goes. With one foot in front of the other (or so I have been told), I am stepping out into my now and looking into my future.
When I push with one hand and pull with the other, I just end up spinning in circles until I fall down dizzy.
