Wednesday, February 15, 2012

This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2 orig posted 7.6.07

This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2

by Liz Anderson on Friday, 6 July 2007 at 23:56 ·
I am certain that everyone is rushing to the newsstand to pick up the latest edition of This Week in the Life of Liz. As it turns out, this week wasn’t necessarily that interesting.

Monday I was at work. Nothing really that interesting there. Although I did find out that there is a gal on my team that is mad at me because my scheduled moved up before hers even though she’s been there longer. My manager basically told her to suck it up. Always a good sign. :S

Tuesday I was at work again. That night I spent a lot of time on the phone after a nice leisurely (unless you ask Jess who thought it was painstakingly fast) walk. Solidifying plans for the fourth as well as mudding up plans for the rest of the week. I’ll explain in a bit.

Wednesday was a day of sun-soaking, liquor-drinking, river-floating fun. The exception to that was that I really didn’t drink—although everyone else did. I was the DD. Less than two miles off the river, I got pulled over going 54 in a 55. The officer ran my license and thanked me for being a DD. It was exciting and I just about crapped myself. Oh the stories I could tell from the river but perhaps you had to be there… if you really want to hear some just ask. I’ve got everything from sobriety checks to leachy bottoms to people incapable of keeping their shirts on.

Thursday was back to work. I was rather lobster-esque after Wednesday’s expeditions. Went for a truly leisurely walk while discussing the inability for people to act upon what they are thinking. (I miss writing in opaque sentences with hidden meanings so I thought I would drop one in.)

Friday. TGIF. To bad I work every Saturday until I am no longer of childbearing years–or so it seems it will last that long. The systems crashed at work today. That is always a good time. “No unfortunately we do not have an SLA for when the systems will be back up. Technology is aware of the issue and does have a master ticket open at this time. Hopefully it will not be too long. Yes that maintenance can be submitted manually using the XYZ form.”

Saturday I will head back to the J.O.B. 4:30 p.m. I am out the door and off to the lake. It seems that when the weather throws you things like temps close to 100*, you get a bit feisty and decide to leave town for the lake. Bonfire with s’mores and hot dogs cannot really be argued with.

Now I suppose, unless you got side tracked by my wandering conversation I should digress back to the “I’ll explain in a bit” portion of earlier said text. While I have started to kind of date (it’s still in a questionable status) I have just about thrown in the towel seventy-two gazillion times the past two weeks. First of all, please do not tell me that you are a recovering alcoholic/drug addict whose parents threw you into rehab. Especially don’t tell me this on our first date. While it saves me time in slowly drudging this out of you, it makes the date a lot less appealing. Secondly, please do not tell me that you believe in a “higher power” even if you don’t choose to call “it” God. Especially don’t follow that up with yeah I believe there was a guy named Jesus (gee-sus) and if you live in Mexico you probably called him Jesus (hey-suess). Thirdly, I really would rather not know that you have “started many relationships on the physical side” but are trying to stay away from that now. I do not want your STDs.

If for some reason you still think that after three strikes you still might have a chance, here is a good way to lose it. When talking to me a week later, if I say I don’t really have plans for the rest of the week, do not say, “Well let me know after you plan your week. We should do something.” I will be likely to schedule my entire week without you in it and then say that’s too bad when you call three days later to see what I am doing and then you proceed to sound like a kicked puppy when I say I have other plans. Just a thought.

Here is what you should do if you feel that you have the potential to crawl back out from under the fifty ton boulder that squashed any chance you may have had. “Gee I really had fun last week. What are your plans for this week? Really, nothing going on after the fourth? How about we (fill in the blank with any remotely fun, semi public because I still think you might be a rapist who will hack me into tiny pieces and leave me by the roadside activity) on Thursday/Friday. Great, I can’t wait…”

Perhaps then I might thin that you have some balls and might be worth my time.

Oh. As promised I also bought some cherries this week. I know you were wondering.

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