This week in the life of Liz. volume 1 issue 3 orig posted 7.19.07

This week in the life of Liz. volume 1 issue 3

by Liz Anderson on Thursday, 19 July 2007 at 20:43 ·

I know you are all wondering were my post is. Or perhaps you are pointing and laughing because I only made it two weeks into my new resolution.. Everyday this post gets alter and later (imagine that J) On Saturday morning I woke up and knew exactly what to write and how to write it. But I didn't have time to write it and now my thoughts have dissipated. I have tried three times now to write this week's edition, but here I sit. Hopefully this time (third times the charm right…) will be better.

Last week. What a crazy one. I would like to refer to it as the week of epiphanies – some more substantial than others. Here is a list: Unfortunately the way to a guy's heart might just be through his stomach. There is good reason for some people to date online – better than others for sure… You should never introduce your friends to a new pastime if you don't want them to ditch you. Because I spend my life avoiding conflict, I don't know how to handle it well – at all. I might, although unconsciously, be a mean person.

The week started off well.. I went swimming on Sunday and out for a walk on Monday. Tuesday I had to call people so I held off on the walk. Apparently, looking back, that was the downfall of my week. Wednesday I was by myself. First of all, realization hit that my friends really are finding dates and people to spend their time with aside from me. They are also going on vacations and that leaves me with two options. Sit at home by myself, or get my butt out the door and meet people.

So after baking a scrumptious fudge truffle cheesecake, I sat at home with no one to share it with. Betsy was out of town with company coming as soon as she got back Jess was on a date with the fabulous new guy from when I ditched her the night before, and I was at home with a cheesecake. I finally found someone to eat some of the cheesecake. Too bad for me, it was the kicked puppy from last week.

I know I know. Stupid idea. But I could not possibly eat the entire cheesecake by myself. Unfortunately, this only encouraged the bad behavior on his part.. Fortunately, I think I have gotten my point across to him since then..

Friday I went on another date. It was great.. I learned I might be a touch superficial. I like my date to look me in the eye with both eyes.. This guy couldn't. Any of you who know me from high school know that this is a prerequisite. You all laughed at the time but now it really is essential.. Besides, he was really boring. We in theory talked for two hours and I know three things about him. Three things I knew before we went out. He wasn't much of a conversationalist – a big no-no. Now he keeps calling me and I feel kind of bad not answering his calls but really.. I need a guy with two functioning eyes, all visible teeth and the ability to carry a conversation.. Is that really too much to ask?

Friday night after my not so stellar date, a trip to the grocery store, another cheesecake and a bit of tasty wine, I was chatting with the kicked puppy online. I've been told it is a bad idea to chat with him as it encourages the bad behavior but it's like a bad car crash. You just have to watch it and then drive by, repeatedly, later to see if everything is cleaned up. I got some fabulous insight from him that night.

I was correct when I came to the assumption that he saw more in our supper date than I did. At some point on our conversation that lasted until almost 4:00 a.m., he started gushing about how I was so beautiful and how he wanted to kiss me that night… (big sigh) I really can't say that I would even talk to him now had he done that. I am not a fan of PDA. In fact I probably would have slapped him. I might have an abrasive side. Who knew. At any rate, he then proceeded to say I really hope you don't remember anything I am saying tonight.. Like I suddenly turned into a goldfish and have a 30 second memory span – not likely.

Saturday I met Betsy for breakfast. I am one of the few people that can get her butt out of bed in the morning when she doesn't need to be anywhere. It's because she loves me. Then I packaged my cheesecake (it was part of my wedding gift) and headed down to Morris.

Tommy and Shannon's wedding was beautiful. Tommy was funny. I was coming down the receiving line and he quick said hi thanks to the people in front of me and than ran back and gave me a big hug. It made me really glad I could make it. The reception was a bit odd however. I only knew ten people. Most of them were in the wedding party. It was still a good time though.

I got to my parents' around midnight. My dad woke up around 12:30 and called my cell to see where I was.. I politely told him I was in bed sleeping. He couldn't hear me so I walked down the hall and explained I was in bed sleeping. I proceeded to go back to bed. My mom woke up around 1:30 and decided I should be home and called my cell phone to see where I was. I again answered my phone and politely told her I was sleeping in my bed. Knowing that she couldn't hear me (just like my dad – apparently my cell doesn't get very good reception in my bedroom in the middle of no where who knew..)I hung up my phone. She promptly called back thinking that I was "in trouble". I again walked down the hall to let her know that I was sleeping in my bed just down the hall.

Sunday was another interesting day. I went with my family to church in MacIntosh. I lasted about 2 minutes into the services before I demanded the keys from my Dad and went to Fosston. Call me crazy, but I don't like being told I'm going to hell because I wasn't baptized as an infant. This seems to be a trend every time I go there. I was trying to be good since it was my Grandpa's birthday but that didn't last.. Grandpa's birthday party went well.

Sunday evening I headed over to my Grandma's to visit with my aunt who is up from AZ. It was a good time. Actually a bunch of people ended up coming over. Janice and Jimmy, Darald, Danny, Tina, Ryan, Hannah, Nicole, Brian, Emily, Neal, Jolene, David, Becky, Marilyn, Grandma, Mom, Dad and me. I like hanging out with family. They have to accept me. Some of them might even like me if I weren't family..

So that was my week. Feel free to post and comments or questions you may have. Although I would be surprised if anyone made it this far down.. Kudos to you if you did!

Until next week..

This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2 orig posted 7.6.07

This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2

by Liz Anderson on Friday, 6 July 2007 at 23:56 ·

I am certain that everyone is rushing to the newsstand to pick up the latest edition of This Week in the Life of Liz. As it turns out, this week wasn’t necessarily that interesting.

Monday I was at work. Nothing really that interesting there. Although I did find out that there is a gal on my team that is mad at me because my scheduled moved up before hers even though she’s been there longer. My manager basically told her to suck it up. Always a good sign. :S

Tuesday I was at work again. That night I spent a lot of time on the phone after a nice leisurely (unless you ask Jess who thought it was painstakingly fast) walk. Solidifying plans for the fourth as well as mudding up plans for the rest of the week. I’ll explain in a bit.

Wednesday was a day of sun-soaking, liquor-drinking, river-floating fun. The exception to that was that I really didn’t drink—although everyone else did. I was the DD. Less than two miles off the river, I got pulled over going 54 in a 55. The officer ran my license and thanked me for being a DD. It was exciting and I just about crapped myself. Oh the stories I could tell from the river but perhaps you had to be there… if you really want to hear some just ask. I’ve got everything from sobriety checks to leachy bottoms to people incapable of keeping their shirts on.

Thursday was back to work. I was rather lobster-esque after Wednesday’s expeditions. Went for a truly leisurely walk while discussing the inability for people to act upon what they are thinking. (I miss writing in opaque sentences with hidden meanings so I thought I would drop one in.)

Friday. TGIF. To bad I work every Saturday until I am no longer of childbearing years–or so it seems it will last that long. The systems crashed at work today. That is always a good time. “No unfortunately we do not have an SLA for when the systems will be back up. Technology is aware of the issue and does have a master ticket open at this time. Hopefully it will not be too long. Yes that maintenance can be submitted manually using the XYZ form.”

Saturday I will head back to the J.O.B. 4:30 p.m. I am out the door and off to the lake. It seems that when the weather throws you things like temps close to 100*, you get a bit feisty and decide to leave town for the lake. Bonfire with s’mores and hot dogs cannot really be argued with.

Now I suppose, unless you got side tracked by my wandering conversation I should digress back to the “I’ll explain in a bit” portion of earlier said text. While I have started to kind of date (it’s still in a questionable status) I have just about thrown in the towel seventy-two gazillion times the past two weeks. First of all, please do not tell me that you are a recovering alcoholic/drug addict whose parents threw you into rehab. Especially don’t tell me this on our first date. While it saves me time in slowly drudging this out of you, it makes the date a lot less appealing. Secondly, please do not tell me that you believe in a “higher power” even if you don’t choose to call “it” God. Especially don’t follow that up with yeah I believe there was a guy named Jesus (gee-sus) and if you live in Mexico you probably called him Jesus (hey-suess). Thirdly, I really would rather not know that you have “started many relationships on the physical side” but are trying to stay away from that now. I do not want your STDs.

If for some reason you still think that after three strikes you still might have a chance, here is a good way to lose it. When talking to me a week later, if I say I don’t really have plans for the rest of the week, do not say, “Well let me know after you plan your week. We should do something.” I will be likely to schedule my entire week without you in it and then say that’s too bad when you call three days later to see what I am doing and then you proceed to sound like a kicked puppy when I say I have other plans. Just a thought.

Here is what you should do if you feel that you have the potential to crawl back out from under the fifty ton boulder that squashed any chance you may have had. “Gee I really had fun last week. What are your plans for this week? Really, nothing going on after the fourth? How about we (fill in the blank with any remotely fun, semi public because I still think you might be a rapist who will hack me into tiny pieces and leave me by the roadside activity) on Thursday/Friday. Great, I can’t wait…”

Perhaps then I might thin that you have some balls and might be worth my time.

Oh. As promised I also bought some cherries this week. I know you were wondering.

This week in the life of Liz. orig posted 7.1.07

This week in the life of Liz.

by Liz Anderson on Sunday, 1 July 2007 at 21:40 ·

I have recently discovered that I have stopped talking to almost everyone. This is generally not a good sign. As a result, in an attempt to drag myself out of this stupor of futility I appear to be living in. I have decided to do a few things. First I have decided to send an e-mail to one "long lost friend" each week. Second, if that person responds I will reply. Third I have also decided to post random happenings from my week. And finally, in the event that my friends that I haven't spoken to in a long time no longer want to talk to me, I am going to also talk to one random stranger a week.

So, on to my week..

In the past week I went to Alex to spend some time at the lake. Jess and Betsy went with me and as a result got smothered with love from my family and also got a piece of birthday cake as it was my sister's birthday party. (She turned 30.) Monday I was up late chatting with random individuals (see point four above) and was invited out on a date. So Tuesday I went on a date. I had super hot hair that day by the way... The guy was interesting but... perhaps not what I am looking for. Wednesday I had the day off. I grilled that evening. I had BBQ chicken but also made brats and marinated pork chops for guests. The rest of the workweek was fairly uneventful. I tried to make a cake on Saturday because I wanted angel food cake. However, the work tried is extremely important in the previous sentence, as while I did end up with a cake, it was an extremely black cake. Apparently cake should not bake for and hour and a half while you eat supper and then run to Target and out for ice cream... And finally today, I went to church, then out for bagels and this afternoon I took my niece to Thunder Road. It was fun.

So that covered a bit more than a week (nine days) but I felt my trip to the lake was worth it.

Highlights for the coming week include but are not limited to: a trip down the Ottertail and grocery shopping for cheap cherries. Stay tuned!

And then it happens again.

Sometimes I just want you to want to hang out with me, to talk to me and moreover to listen to me.  I don't want to fight with you to want to hang out with me.  Is that too much to ask? 

If I gave you a mirror would you be just as content?  Would you notice that you were by yourself?  That I wasn't there?  That you were just talking to your own reflection?  Or wouldn't it make a difference because whenever you cared enough to look "I" would be looking too and really that's all that matters?

It doesn't really matter I guess.  None of it does.  Because the next time you have a rotten day and your husband drinks too much and you think you are getting divorced and you just had a pregnancy scare and you lose your job and breakup with that ass of a boyfriend and your kid is sick, I'll still be there.  Because in my mind that's what friends are for.  To be there.  To love you.  And to listen.  Even if it's never been and never will be reciprocated.

Where you belong.

I have packed you into a box. You and all of the emotions surrounding you are in a great big box that I have haphazardly yet meticulously taped shut and put up on the top shelf in the corner of this thing I call life. Out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind.

And this works. It works well in fact. It works well until the room that the shelf is in fills up with emotions and fills up with shit. And as it does I don't even have to try to get to that top shelf because the room fills and pushes me toward you and that damn box where I put you. Where I said good riddance to you.

There I sit with the only decision to be made being do I continue to wade is the literal, figurative and emotional pile of crap or do I break down, climb up on that shelf and reluctantly open the box?

And I stare at the box.

And I know I will never open it.

a true statement

I am a writer. Some of you may be thinking "umm yeah.. you wrote this" and others may be thinking "ok writer, where's your novel?" But I am so much more than that. I am a writer within.

I will speak what I want to write over and over so that the words spilling out of my lips will be ingrained and not lost before they can be recorded.

I may never write a novel but I will dictate my soul.

Non-existant, ever-present

The first part of this was written a few weeks ago ...

I don't even know what to write any more. A topic that has taken my thoughts and notebook for almost two years is null and void. Well not really the topic but the person. The topic is in limbo. I am not looking to date right now. Something about being hurt makes a person shy away from it. Perhaps we had it right last night when we toasted to finding love without finding love. Maybe I need to find something not someone to love - to fill that need for passion in my life. It feels like I am trying to make myself numb - successfully at that. Make it so I don't feel anything. It's safer that way. Sometimes I think it is better to feel nothing than to hurt. And sometimes I think it is oh so wrong.

'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Fact or fiction. -- I'm torn.

To go from love to loss/hurt to void makes me feel empty. (I guess by definition it would.)

He ruined a good thing without even knowing it. Or maybe he did. I understand my aloofness didn't help. But he was the one who walked into my "ridiculously-happily-single" life and turned it upside down. I didn't ask for that. But now I am stuck with the aftermath; trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to fit the puzzle of the life I once knew back together.


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But life does go on. Nights get easier and days go faster. There are days when I think it may even go back to "normal" or at least close to the way it used to be - closer to my normal.. I have been working diligently on finding love without finding love this summer.

I am learning to play the guitar. It is therapeutic. Just knowing that I am doing something for nothing other than because I want to. And no one can or will say anything about it. And I have time for it. And I can.

I have rediscovered my spot at the park. My spot where I can escape everything if I want to. Not because it is so "out-of-the-way" but because it is serene - because no one bothers me there - because the river is flowing by - because for a split moment in this chaotic place I can imagine I am in the middle of no where. And that is comforting.