So it has been a while (okay, a LONG while) since I have posted anything on here. Life has been going relatively well. And I guess the general lack of crazy/sad/scary/mad has had a negative impact on my writing as well. As I write this, I realize this makes it seem like a lead a charmed life; maybe I do, but I argue I don't - at least not entirely.
Since I last posted March 2012, I have determined that sometimes you just need to walk away. Not something I tend to do easily. That guy I had been hanging out with but couldn't quite read - I stepped back to allow him to step forward if he was interested. He didn't - I hold because he wasn't. As so it ended or faded away. My friends still liked him and wanted him around but for me it was too painful to see him around and constantly wonder what might have been. (I hate to admit but I may be a wistful dreamer more than a realist at times.)
While I was licking my wounds from this I leaned on the shoulder of a friend who had been giving me dating advice while with this guy. Oddly enough when he had been giving me advice, I more than once asked myself why this friend wasn't available because, "he seems to have this figured out and has everything I am looking for." This friend was also getting over a breakup. They had been together even longer and he was held to the relationship by a healer/savior complex; he thought that if he just kept trying it would save her.
And so summer of 2012 we drove - literally. We drove all around Fargo and Moorhead and talked. We talked about the breakups, the weather, life, faith, work, family, you name it. Driving turned into shared hobbies including trips to the local farmer's market. Farmer's market turned into suppers and wine. Suppers and wine turned into confessions of "I think I really like you, let's give this a chance".
Now, on the eve of 14 months together, here we are still together and happy as can be. Not that life is all bliss, because it's not. I have had pitfalls in my year some of which have made me wonder if I would make it through. But in the end it is a decision. I need to decide what I will accept and not accept in my life. And for now, I choose to focus on the positive.
Today I decided enough was enough. Over the past 2 years I have almost completely dropped my normal workouts and gained 20+ pounds. I started a 30 day ab challenge and 30 day squat challenge today. I am 50 squats, 15 sit ups, 5 crunches, 5 leg raises and 1-10 sec plank into this endeavor. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about day 30 when I get to do 250 squats, 125 sit ups. 200 crunches, 65 leg raises, and 1-120 sec plank. But each day I will increase and each day I will get stronger. This is a challenge that wouldn't have been a challenge 2 years ago and that is what I am looking to get back to.
To come alongside my new workout plan, I have also decided I need to start eating healthier again too. Tonight for supper I had a big romaine lettuce and spinach salad with carrots and mushrooms. I also baked a piece of whitefish to go with it. One day at a time with this too I guess.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
upside down and inside out - a left handed glove flipped inside out will fit your right hand.
When the planets align allowing your broom or egg or what not to stand on end; when they add an extra day and take away an hour; when your world seems to have done a 180 and you aren't quite sure why... It's time to write a blog.
I haven't posted any new material lately so I suppose this would be considered long overdue. As with much of my life I have been very introspective the past few months - so I am putting the virtual pen to the electronic page for your consideration. Please be kind.
So for the three and a half months or so I have been hanging out with this guy. Problem is, I can't seem to read him. And perhaps I am reading too much into the situation. When first we went out we closed with the ever awkward hug and "hey I had a good time, we should do this again" bit that is all too familiar to first dates. He would send me random texts asking "how his favorite girl [was] doing" and me being me would respond with a curt "I don't know who is she"? {I might stomp on people's hearts and chivalrous attempts solely with my blunt, dry self} And yet he's stuck around.
We have hung out at least once a week since then with the exception of when I spent a week in Mexico. We have gone to art museums, hockey games, supper, ice cream, movies, hung out with friends and family and yet things seem different. He no longer attempts to open doors, offer the albeit awkward hug, and he has still not attempted to hold my hand. This may seem like a strange observation but it is big to me. We also no longer seem to do anything with just the two of us - everything is either with friends or family or both. The last thing we did with just the two of us was supper which happened to fall on 2/14 - nearly a month ago.
I have two theories:
a) He is still relatively new to town and is looking for people to hang out with. I happen to have a great core group of friends who get together on a regular basis and are welcoming to new comers. Great environment for someone looking to get out of the house more no?
b) He is interested but my personality (some may call it brash or socially awkward - I prefer flippant) has scared him. It's possible that my somewhat ridiculous responses to events and messages were misconstrued as disinterest. Perhaps he is just as confused as me?
The fact of it is I think I like this guy. I enjoy spending time with him. I think he is truly genuine. Some have suggested that I simply ask him - but I don't want to mess things up if he doesn't share the same mindset. I would rather retain a friend than jeopardize that with the "hey are we dating or what is this" question.
Anytime I think I have closed on the correct answer something new falls into the picture to sway my thoughts. And so in an attempt to forcefully swing this sandpaper lined bolder around on the road of life I am posting to you asking, what would you do? What is the "right" way to approach this?
I haven't posted any new material lately so I suppose this would be considered long overdue. As with much of my life I have been very introspective the past few months - so I am putting the virtual pen to the electronic page for your consideration. Please be kind.
So for the three and a half months or so I have been hanging out with this guy. Problem is, I can't seem to read him. And perhaps I am reading too much into the situation. When first we went out we closed with the ever awkward hug and "hey I had a good time, we should do this again" bit that is all too familiar to first dates. He would send me random texts asking "how his favorite girl [was] doing" and me being me would respond with a curt "I don't know who is she"? {I might stomp on people's hearts and chivalrous attempts solely with my blunt, dry self} And yet he's stuck around.
We have hung out at least once a week since then with the exception of when I spent a week in Mexico. We have gone to art museums, hockey games, supper, ice cream, movies, hung out with friends and family and yet things seem different. He no longer attempts to open doors, offer the albeit awkward hug, and he has still not attempted to hold my hand. This may seem like a strange observation but it is big to me. We also no longer seem to do anything with just the two of us - everything is either with friends or family or both. The last thing we did with just the two of us was supper which happened to fall on 2/14 - nearly a month ago.
I have two theories:
a) He is still relatively new to town and is looking for people to hang out with. I happen to have a great core group of friends who get together on a regular basis and are welcoming to new comers. Great environment for someone looking to get out of the house more no?
b) He is interested but my personality (some may call it brash or socially awkward - I prefer flippant) has scared him. It's possible that my somewhat ridiculous responses to events and messages were misconstrued as disinterest. Perhaps he is just as confused as me?
The fact of it is I think I like this guy. I enjoy spending time with him. I think he is truly genuine. Some have suggested that I simply ask him - but I don't want to mess things up if he doesn't share the same mindset. I would rather retain a friend than jeopardize that with the "hey are we dating or what is this" question.
Anytime I think I have closed on the correct answer something new falls into the picture to sway my thoughts. And so in an attempt to forcefully swing this sandpaper lined bolder around on the road of life I am posting to you asking, what would you do? What is the "right" way to approach this?
Monday, February 27, 2012
thought. originally posted 10.18.09
thought.
by Liz Anderson on Sunday, 18 October 2009 at 22:08 ·
The sky is black
and I'm missing you.
But my heart is locked away and I
don't know if I want to let it out.
tis' better to have loved and lost I'm told.
but what if I can't recover?
What if, like Humpty Dumpty my heart shatters
and what if, you run away with a piece of it?
How do you move on when a piece of you is gone?
What if I didn't live my life on "what if's"?
Would I be happier?
sadder? stronger?
more fragile?
What if I never know?
I know if I give my heart to you
it would not come back the same.
and I'm missing you.
But my heart is locked away and I
don't know if I want to let it out.
tis' better to have loved and lost I'm told.
but what if I can't recover?
What if, like Humpty Dumpty my heart shatters
and what if, you run away with a piece of it?
How do you move on when a piece of you is gone?
What if I didn't live my life on "what if's"?
Would I be happier?
sadder? stronger?
more fragile?
What if I never know?
I know if I give my heart to you
it would not come back the same.
a random page. originally posted 8.18.09
a random page.
by Liz Anderson on Tuesday, 18 August 2009 at 22:24 ·
Written 07/17/09
[raise lone spotlight on stool in center of black stage]
Today was a strange and sad an happy and wonderful day. Today I got to meet Hudson Casey - Chris and Angie's newest baby. He is a doll. Today I also got to say goodbye to Uncle Wayne. We have such a short time here on earth. Some shorter than others. My brother told me today on our way down to Alex for the funeral that one of his friends lost their baby at birth recently. To grace this earth for mere minutes before leaving it behind is difficult to comprehend. As the dad put it, "I kissed my little girl for the first and last time today." I think my brother summed it up well is saying. "it makes you look at Sophia and thank God."
I know the tears I cried and am crying are selfish ones. They are because I wanted more time. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I wasn't ready for people I love to hurt like this. I wish I could give Frances a great big hug and not let go until the hurt stopped. I know with time it gets easier even though it will never go away. And I know that my Uncle Wayne is in a better place with no pain and no ailments and is celebrating with God. It doesn't take it away but it does make it easier. Though it does still make a person think.
[blackout.]
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
[Enter Hudson stage left. Exit Uncle Wayne stage right.]
I will always love you.
[raise lone spotlight on stool in center of black stage]
Today was a strange and sad an happy and wonderful day. Today I got to meet Hudson Casey - Chris and Angie's newest baby. He is a doll. Today I also got to say goodbye to Uncle Wayne. We have such a short time here on earth. Some shorter than others. My brother told me today on our way down to Alex for the funeral that one of his friends lost their baby at birth recently. To grace this earth for mere minutes before leaving it behind is difficult to comprehend. As the dad put it, "I kissed my little girl for the first and last time today." I think my brother summed it up well is saying. "it makes you look at Sophia and thank God."
I know the tears I cried and am crying are selfish ones. They are because I wanted more time. I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. I wasn't ready for people I love to hurt like this. I wish I could give Frances a great big hug and not let go until the hurt stopped. I know with time it gets easier even though it will never go away. And I know that my Uncle Wayne is in a better place with no pain and no ailments and is celebrating with God. It doesn't take it away but it does make it easier. Though it does still make a person think.
[blackout.]
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
[Enter Hudson stage left. Exit Uncle Wayne stage right.]
I will always love you.
TWITLOL v1 i6 originally posted 10.1.07
TWITLOL v1 i6
by Liz Anderson on Monday, 1 October 2007 at 00:02 ·
It was a Tuesday night not last week but the week before. I was chatting with people online and decided to head to bed early. This in itself was a bizarre phenomenon. As I lay there sleeping, I was awoken from my slumber by a phone call. For those of you who have never heard my ring tone, it makes me smile no matter the time of day I hear it. Answering my phone at approximately 12:34 a.m. I heard my brother. The conversation went something like this:
M: what are you doing?
Me: sleeping.
M: oh. Well Nicole just called me and she thinks it might be time.
Me: oh. Ok.
M: when do you work tomorrow?
Me: I don’t, it’s Wednesday.
M: that’s right.. My kid is smart.
Me: why?
M: well it’s my anniversary and my wife and I didn’t get to see each other but my daughter is calling me home early so I can see her – but not on out anniversary. And I don’t work tomorrow and you have the day off..
Me: I see. You’re right the kid is smart.
M: can you come over and watch Meg in case we need to go in to the hospital?
Me: yeah I’ll be there.
M: don’t get up yet I haven’t left work yet but I have someone coming in to close for me.
Me: ok.
M: oh but the rule is that you can’t sit and stare at Nicole.
Me: ok?
M: she says that is what I am going to do. She has been having contractions since 2:00 p.m. but didn’t tell me until now because she didn’t want me to sit there and stare at her.
Me: I’ll do my best.
M: ok I’m going to go. I have to stop and let the dogs out at Jan’s I’ll set out their food so if you need to go over there in the morning everything will be ready.
Me: ok see you in a bit.
So I laid there and thought about what I was going to pack so I could be presentable if I had to drop the kid off at school the next day as well as make it through the rest of my day. Soon the phone was ringing again.
M: Ok I’m on my way to Jan’s.
Me: ok. I’ll get up and get ready.
I packed my bag and headed out. it was now nearly 1:00 a.m. As I approached the interstate exit on 25th street, my phone started ringing again..
M: where are you?
Me: on 25th almost to the interstate.
M: ok well I am here. Call me when you get here.
Me: ok. Bye.
So a few minutes later I arrived at their place and walked to the patio door where I was assuming he would be there to let me in. He was not. So I wandered back toward my car. I decided to see if their cars were in the lot. I found Jan’s car.. Not really putting 2 and 2 together that Jan was out of town and this was why my brother had to check on the dogs.. Just then my phone rang again. It was my brother he was standing at the side door waiting for me. I went in crawled into the bed in the baby’s room and went to sleep only slightly aware of my brother and sister-in-law talking in the next room.
Around 2:30 a.m. I woke up to my brother setting the phone on the nightstand next to me saying, “we’re going in. I’ll call you and let you know if you need to bring Meg to school.” Like I wouldn’t figure it out if he was not there that I would need to take her to school.. He was clearly not thinking sanely. As it turned out, when I got up around 6:30 a.m. I wandered out to the living room to see/hear my brother snoring on the couch. The trip to the hospital had been relatively uneventful with only the viewing of Full House and America’s Funniest Home Videos before they were sent home.
I however still got to bring Meg to school the next morning as neither of them had really slept all night. Turns out my brother sat at stared at Nicole all night until he got kicked to the couch – just as she thought he would do.
Aside from the baby scare… My uncle Curt got married last weekend. It was a good time. I helped my sister with makeup for Judy (bride) and Bobbi Jo (maid of honor) then moved on to my duties pinning flowers. Jen Howard and I were in charge of that. Apparently we didn’t know what we were doing when we started but were quickly taught by the photographer. I made it through the day with out mangling my fingers with pinholes. In fact I only poked myself two times all day once was pinning my own flower – not too shabby – although, the one poke got infected and I had to amputate my middle finger at the second knuckle. Ok so not really but it was infected and it hurt for a bit.
Three days later my mom had hip surgery in Thief River Falls. Things seem to have gone well. I spent my Wednesday between VIP day in the AM with Meg at her school and then the remainder of my day with my mom in the hospital. Wednesday was not a good day for her – lots of ups and downs but we made it. Thursday things started going better which is good, as I had to be at work in Fargo and Julie was in Alexandria. By Friday it was time for mom to go home too! They really don’t waste time these days with getting people out of the hospital.
So my uncle has a new wife, my mom has a new hip and my brother is waiting on his new daughter. Somewhere I am intermingled amidst it all and loving it. For now I best close though as you never know when the next late night baby alert will come in…
TWITLOL v1i5 belated originally posted 9/5/07
TWITLOL v1i5 belated
by Liz Anderson on Wednesday, 5 September 2007 at 20:47 ·
When I was in college I had an espresso machine. I actually still have it but rarely use it. At any rate, I used to make coffee and espresso a lot. I also used to not sleep much. I think this led to an early demise of something in my life although I have yet to determine what that was/is. Since then it has really only had a negative impact on my life. Or what some (perhaps including myself) may deem as a negative impact on my life.
I can remember nights at 500 E 5th St in Morris with pot after pot of coffee intertwined with espresso, not really sleeping and yet never quite awake. Classmates coming over to work on projects and presentations; my hands half shaking from the caffeine as I tried to line pages straight on my tag board. Actually this is only a half exaggeration.
I thought I was doing better. I thought I had mostly broke myself of the whole coffee habit and then this thing called dating came into my life. It seems “coffee” is a good thing to do on a date. Although when you go out for coffee most people neglect to actually drink coffee. Not quite sure how that works but most often it seems there is little to no coffee consumed on the so-called coffee dates.
Sometimes these coffee dates turn out well and other times you think they turned out well and still other times you know they are far far from going well. What ever the case may be I know that the wretched coffee is to blame.
So here’s the deal. I am about to embark on a new chapter in life. Tomorrow I am going out for a second date with a guy I met for drinks last week. This initial date was supposed to be for "coffee". Not really sure what we are doing tomorrow but probably supper and a movie. Then, perhaps against my better judgment, on Friday I am going out with a guy I met for “coffee” last week.
This whole fiasco started last week.. Or perhaps it started a few weeks before that when I actually started going out on dates in general.. If you have been reading my blog though, you know what a catastrophe that has been.. So I really didn’t think much of going out for coffee in the middle of the day last week.
Coffee was a bit of a stretch though as I had a green tea with lemonade and the guy I was meeting had a lot to say. Turns out he is from Wheaton and used to be the Thursday night DJ at the Met in Morris. I never really went to the Met as I preferred the more laid back atmosphere of the Old #1. Which as a side is still my favorite bar ever. He likes sci-fi crap. I really don’t like sci-fi. He listens to a lot of top 40s music. I really never ever listen to top 40s music. He likes economics. I hated economics in college. The trend continues.. Turns out the only real thing we had in common was that we both spent several years living in the general vicinity of Morris MN. Yeah, a real connection.
I went home and had supper with Jess. We made Potstickers. They were tasty. Jess and I went for a walk which she promptly ditched me after as she had to be at work early only to cut out to go to class. She started grad school last week you see. My life is gravely different. Okay, so not really but we do have to schedule a bit more than, “Hey what are you doing? Cool, I’ll be over in a few minutes..”
After Jess left, I logged onto my computer and chatted with a few friends. Which eventually ended up in me logging off and heading downtown for a drink. This drink was with a guy I was supposed to meet for coffee. Again I stress the downfall “coffee” has played in our society.
The previous text was written about a week ago. I have since “gone out” with both of the individuals again; neither of which was a very successful event.
As it turns out the guy from downtown doesn’t much know what he is doing in life. He is ambitious enough (read: he works three jobs) but tends to not be able to carry on much of a directed conversation. This is a problem. He is also very indecisive and extremely “hard to read”. I had a brilliant conversation planned out (really more of a monologue) telling him how his indecisiveness was annoying and he needed to work on his communication skills. Unfortunately as I prepared to unleash my masterpiece, he told me his friend died that day. Needless to say it is a bit tough to tell someone that they are annoying right after they tell you that their friend died today.
Regarding the guy from Wheaton, well he’s a bit of the opposite. He is a definite talker. But again, didn’t really say much of anything with a purpose. We went to the movie and then I went home. I am not foreseeing anything grand happening there.
So here I sit – just me, a glass of fruit punch and my cat. It’s a good life. I just have to learn to lay off the coffee.
P.S. No this is not the blog I was referring to in the pending edition..
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
This Week in the Life of Liz. volume 1 issue 4 orig posted 8.5.07
This Week in the Life of Liz. volume 1 issue 4
by Liz Anderson on Sunday, 5 August 2007 at 21:30 ·
I was on vacation for a week since last I wrote. It was over all a good experience. I went to a family reunion. (Yes another one.) Then I headed to Fargo for a day just to go there. I ended up going to the Castleton winery with Jess. It was fun. I got some rhubarb wine (rhubarb pie in a glass is what it really is) as well as sampling several other varieties. Some will appreciate this more than others but the rhubarb wine I bought was in an Arthur ND bottle. From there I headed to Alexandria for a few days. I got to see Katie, Chris, Angie, my boys (Lucas and Caleb and Chris but he is already listed), my sister and my great aunt and uncle.
The plan was to go to the three wineries in the Alex area and pick up some MN wine. I made it to one of the wineries. Worst experience I have had in a long time if not ever. I was there for about and hour and a half. When I first got there the tasting room was a bit busy so I just browsed around for a bit. Then a group of people left and the workers started asking the others if they needed anything, any help if they wanted to sample anything -- everyone in there except me. So I finally just went and stood by the counter and said excuse me. The reply I received was something along the lines of did you need something. I asked where the tours started and the man pointed to a vague area and said if I hurried I could catch the group that had left 5 minutes ago. So I headed out in the direction he had pointed however there were about four trails to choose from and no one visible on any of them. So I went and wandered around a bit. Finding no one I headed back inside. I browsed around a bit more and still no sign of customer service. So again I went to the counter. I stood there again for quite some time browsing the wine selection that they had for sampling and watching the worker offer every other person around the counter samples. When the lady finally noticed me she didn’t offer me to sample any she just asked if the items in front of me were mine and if I was ready to check out. I said no and she continued to help other people. I left. It was an hour and a half since I had arrived and not once did I sense one inkling of customer service from any other the five employees I had seen. As a result I would highly advise that you do not visit the Carlos Creek Winery. I have been advising this to every person that has asked about my vacation -- perhaps a poor choice on their part to not provide customer service.
I then tried to go to the winery just south of Alexandria. I think it may be closed. All of the signs I used to drive by had disappeared and there was no sign of life even on their website. At that point I gave up and went to the liquor store in Alex where I bought some wine from Laport. I still wanted MN wine and it was either Laport or Carlos Creek and I was not going to support their business. Besides I figured it didn’t matter if I bought wine I hadn’t tried from Laport or wine I hadn’t tried from Carlos Creek.. So I picked the lesser of two evils.
Friday I brought my sister to drop off her car to get the fan fixed – imagine 100 degree temps with no air.. icky. Then back to pick it up on her lunch break. After that I was off to Park Rapids to visit my friend James. It was a good night. We headed to Dorset for supper at Companeros. If you browse through my pictures and happen upon on of me on a plaster donkey by a Mexican flag it was taken at Companeros. Later that evening we headed up to the American Legion for Karaoke. I sang the way I do best.. from my chair in the back of the room mocking the people singing into the mic. Jess also joined us at the Legion as she was at her parents just a few miles away for the weekend. Also a good time.
Saturday I was back to Gully for more family time and Alissa’s wedding reception. It was fun seeing classmates I hadn’t seen in some time. I also ran into Alissa’s uncle who happened to go to college in Morris. I met him randomly at a graduation BBQ in my back yard where through brief discussion we realized that he was the uncle to my classmate.. To this day he says I make him feel old. I won’t mention any names but for those of you who know Susie’s last name, you can look through my facebook friends and figure it out… Sorry.. Later that evening I went to my Grandpa’s to visit and saw my cousin’s someday to be fiancé. I keep checking for a ring but nothing yet. Someday..
Sunday was a typical day with church and family. Then the realization that I had to go back to Fargo and prepare for a week back at the J.O.B. -- sad but true.
The past week really wasn’t too interesting.. I worked and then I worked and then I had a day off… I did go to visit my aunt who had heart surgery which was good.. Then I went to work.. I actually got to work an earlier shift on Thursday as I went to a Redhawks game for work.. Jess also went with me to the game as my guest.. It was our “forget the boys, girls night out”. I had a foot long chili dog.. mmm chili dogs.. and ice cream. Friday/Saturday work, work and overtime work. On the up side, we are having a contest at work to beat our personal best for calls per week in the months of July and August.. I beat my record the first week – just in case since I was going on vacation.. Then this week I clobbered my new personal best record by 75 calls.. Too bad it only counts once.
Saturday night I had supper with Jess and Bets then off to a movie with Jess. Mr. Brooks. It was interesting enough.. sort of twisted.. but good overall. Today, Sunday, the three of us headed to DL to go tubing. I went on the record from the get go that it was a bad idea as it was 62 degrees and cloudy with a chance of rain. I held to this as we pulled to the tubing place and there was one I repeat one car there.. The place that a month and one day ago had triple-parked cars had one car today.. We went back to town and had pizza at Zorbaz, my friend Niki joined us for lunch or the aftermath thereof as her mom had just cooked her a large breakfast and she was still recovering from WEFest. We did head back out to the river “just to check and there were seven cars so we decided it must be ok to go.. So we packed up some tubes and down the river we went. The river has dropped quite a bit in the past month. In fact last time I couldn’t touch in many places and this time we had to get up and pull our tubes over shallow areas with rocks. I think the end of the tubing season is upon us..
Now I am back at my apartment. I logged on to see requests for this update and thought what time like the present. So there you have it. Consider yourself updated. I hope to get the next installment posted much more promptly for those of you who look forward to my life. Have a good one and take it easy.
-Liz.
This week in the life of Liz. volume 1 issue 3 orig posted 7.19.07
This week in the life of Liz. volume 1 issue 3
by Liz Anderson on Thursday, 19 July 2007 at 20:43 ·
I
know you are all wondering were my post is. Or perhaps you are pointing
and laughing because I only made it two weeks into my new resolution..
Everyday this post gets alter and later (imagine that J) On Saturday
morning I woke up and knew exactly what to write and how to write it.
But I didn't have time to write it and now my thoughts have dissipated. I
have tried three times now to write this week's edition, but here I
sit. Hopefully this time (third times the charm right…) will be better.
Last week. What a crazy one. I would like to refer to it as the week of epiphanies – some more substantial than others. Here is a list: Unfortunately the way to a guy's heart might just be through his stomach. There is good reason for some people to date online – better than others for sure… You should never introduce your friends to a new pastime if you don't want them to ditch you. Because I spend my life avoiding conflict, I don't know how to handle it well – at all. I might, although unconsciously, be a mean person.
The week started off well.. I went swimming on Sunday and out for a walk on Monday. Tuesday I had to call people so I held off on the walk. Apparently, looking back, that was the downfall of my week. Wednesday I was by myself. First of all, realization hit that my friends really are finding dates and people to spend their time with aside from me. They are also going on vacations and that leaves me with two options. Sit at home by myself, or get my butt out the door and meet people.
So after baking a scrumptious fudge truffle cheesecake, I sat at home with no one to share it with. Betsy was out of town with company coming as soon as she got back Jess was on a date with the fabulous new guy from when I ditched her the night before, and I was at home with a cheesecake. I finally found someone to eat some of the cheesecake. Too bad for me, it was the kicked puppy from last week.
I know I know. Stupid idea. But I could not possibly eat the entire cheesecake by myself. Unfortunately, this only encouraged the bad behavior on his part.. Fortunately, I think I have gotten my point across to him since then..
Friday I went on another date. It was great.. I learned I might be a touch superficial. I like my date to look me in the eye with both eyes.. This guy couldn't. Any of you who know me from high school know that this is a prerequisite. You all laughed at the time but now it really is essential.. Besides, he was really boring. We in theory talked for two hours and I know three things about him. Three things I knew before we went out. He wasn't much of a conversationalist – a big no-no. Now he keeps calling me and I feel kind of bad not answering his calls but really.. I need a guy with two functioning eyes, all visible teeth and the ability to carry a conversation.. Is that really too much to ask?
Friday night after my not so stellar date, a trip to the grocery store, another cheesecake and a bit of tasty wine, I was chatting with the kicked puppy online. I've been told it is a bad idea to chat with him as it encourages the bad behavior but it's like a bad car crash. You just have to watch it and then drive by, repeatedly, later to see if everything is cleaned up. I got some fabulous insight from him that night.
I was correct when I came to the assumption that he saw more in our supper date than I did. At some point on our conversation that lasted until almost 4:00 a.m., he started gushing about how I was so beautiful and how he wanted to kiss me that night… (big sigh) I really can't say that I would even talk to him now had he done that. I am not a fan of PDA. In fact I probably would have slapped him. I might have an abrasive side. Who knew. At any rate, he then proceeded to say I really hope you don't remember anything I am saying tonight.. Like I suddenly turned into a goldfish and have a 30 second memory span – not likely.
Saturday I met Betsy for breakfast. I am one of the few people that can get her butt out of bed in the morning when she doesn't need to be anywhere. It's because she loves me. Then I packaged my cheesecake (it was part of my wedding gift) and headed down to Morris.
Tommy and Shannon's wedding was beautiful. Tommy was funny. I was coming down the receiving line and he quick said hi thanks to the people in front of me and than ran back and gave me a big hug. It made me really glad I could make it. The reception was a bit odd however. I only knew ten people. Most of them were in the wedding party. It was still a good time though.
I got to my parents' around midnight. My dad woke up around 12:30 and called my cell to see where I was.. I politely told him I was in bed sleeping. He couldn't hear me so I walked down the hall and explained I was in bed sleeping. I proceeded to go back to bed. My mom woke up around 1:30 and decided I should be home and called my cell phone to see where I was. I again answered my phone and politely told her I was sleeping in my bed. Knowing that she couldn't hear me (just like my dad – apparently my cell doesn't get very good reception in my bedroom in the middle of no where who knew..)I hung up my phone. She promptly called back thinking that I was "in trouble". I again walked down the hall to let her know that I was sleeping in my bed just down the hall.
Sunday was another interesting day. I went with my family to church in MacIntosh. I lasted about 2 minutes into the services before I demanded the keys from my Dad and went to Fosston. Call me crazy, but I don't like being told I'm going to hell because I wasn't baptized as an infant. This seems to be a trend every time I go there. I was trying to be good since it was my Grandpa's birthday but that didn't last.. Grandpa's birthday party went well.
Sunday evening I headed over to my Grandma's to visit with my aunt who is up from AZ. It was a good time. Actually a bunch of people ended up coming over. Janice and Jimmy, Darald, Danny, Tina, Ryan, Hannah, Nicole, Brian, Emily, Neal, Jolene, David, Becky, Marilyn, Grandma, Mom, Dad and me. I like hanging out with family. They have to accept me. Some of them might even like me if I weren't family..
So that was my week. Feel free to post and comments or questions you may have. Although I would be surprised if anyone made it this far down.. Kudos to you if you did!
Until next week..
Last week. What a crazy one. I would like to refer to it as the week of epiphanies – some more substantial than others. Here is a list: Unfortunately the way to a guy's heart might just be through his stomach. There is good reason for some people to date online – better than others for sure… You should never introduce your friends to a new pastime if you don't want them to ditch you. Because I spend my life avoiding conflict, I don't know how to handle it well – at all. I might, although unconsciously, be a mean person.
The week started off well.. I went swimming on Sunday and out for a walk on Monday. Tuesday I had to call people so I held off on the walk. Apparently, looking back, that was the downfall of my week. Wednesday I was by myself. First of all, realization hit that my friends really are finding dates and people to spend their time with aside from me. They are also going on vacations and that leaves me with two options. Sit at home by myself, or get my butt out the door and meet people.
So after baking a scrumptious fudge truffle cheesecake, I sat at home with no one to share it with. Betsy was out of town with company coming as soon as she got back Jess was on a date with the fabulous new guy from when I ditched her the night before, and I was at home with a cheesecake. I finally found someone to eat some of the cheesecake. Too bad for me, it was the kicked puppy from last week.
I know I know. Stupid idea. But I could not possibly eat the entire cheesecake by myself. Unfortunately, this only encouraged the bad behavior on his part.. Fortunately, I think I have gotten my point across to him since then..
Friday I went on another date. It was great.. I learned I might be a touch superficial. I like my date to look me in the eye with both eyes.. This guy couldn't. Any of you who know me from high school know that this is a prerequisite. You all laughed at the time but now it really is essential.. Besides, he was really boring. We in theory talked for two hours and I know three things about him. Three things I knew before we went out. He wasn't much of a conversationalist – a big no-no. Now he keeps calling me and I feel kind of bad not answering his calls but really.. I need a guy with two functioning eyes, all visible teeth and the ability to carry a conversation.. Is that really too much to ask?
Friday night after my not so stellar date, a trip to the grocery store, another cheesecake and a bit of tasty wine, I was chatting with the kicked puppy online. I've been told it is a bad idea to chat with him as it encourages the bad behavior but it's like a bad car crash. You just have to watch it and then drive by, repeatedly, later to see if everything is cleaned up. I got some fabulous insight from him that night.
I was correct when I came to the assumption that he saw more in our supper date than I did. At some point on our conversation that lasted until almost 4:00 a.m., he started gushing about how I was so beautiful and how he wanted to kiss me that night… (big sigh) I really can't say that I would even talk to him now had he done that. I am not a fan of PDA. In fact I probably would have slapped him. I might have an abrasive side. Who knew. At any rate, he then proceeded to say I really hope you don't remember anything I am saying tonight.. Like I suddenly turned into a goldfish and have a 30 second memory span – not likely.
Saturday I met Betsy for breakfast. I am one of the few people that can get her butt out of bed in the morning when she doesn't need to be anywhere. It's because she loves me. Then I packaged my cheesecake (it was part of my wedding gift) and headed down to Morris.
Tommy and Shannon's wedding was beautiful. Tommy was funny. I was coming down the receiving line and he quick said hi thanks to the people in front of me and than ran back and gave me a big hug. It made me really glad I could make it. The reception was a bit odd however. I only knew ten people. Most of them were in the wedding party. It was still a good time though.
I got to my parents' around midnight. My dad woke up around 12:30 and called my cell to see where I was.. I politely told him I was in bed sleeping. He couldn't hear me so I walked down the hall and explained I was in bed sleeping. I proceeded to go back to bed. My mom woke up around 1:30 and decided I should be home and called my cell phone to see where I was. I again answered my phone and politely told her I was sleeping in my bed. Knowing that she couldn't hear me (just like my dad – apparently my cell doesn't get very good reception in my bedroom in the middle of no where who knew..)I hung up my phone. She promptly called back thinking that I was "in trouble". I again walked down the hall to let her know that I was sleeping in my bed just down the hall.
Sunday was another interesting day. I went with my family to church in MacIntosh. I lasted about 2 minutes into the services before I demanded the keys from my Dad and went to Fosston. Call me crazy, but I don't like being told I'm going to hell because I wasn't baptized as an infant. This seems to be a trend every time I go there. I was trying to be good since it was my Grandpa's birthday but that didn't last.. Grandpa's birthday party went well.
Sunday evening I headed over to my Grandma's to visit with my aunt who is up from AZ. It was a good time. Actually a bunch of people ended up coming over. Janice and Jimmy, Darald, Danny, Tina, Ryan, Hannah, Nicole, Brian, Emily, Neal, Jolene, David, Becky, Marilyn, Grandma, Mom, Dad and me. I like hanging out with family. They have to accept me. Some of them might even like me if I weren't family..
So that was my week. Feel free to post and comments or questions you may have. Although I would be surprised if anyone made it this far down.. Kudos to you if you did!
Until next week..
This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2 orig posted 7.6.07
This Week in the Life of Liz Volume 1 Issue 2
by Liz Anderson on Friday, 6 July 2007 at 23:56 ·
Monday I was at work. Nothing really that interesting there. Although I did find out that there is a gal on my team that is mad at me because my scheduled moved up before hers even though she’s been there longer. My manager basically told her to suck it up. Always a good sign. :S
Tuesday I was at work again. That night I spent a lot of time on the phone after a nice leisurely (unless you ask Jess who thought it was painstakingly fast) walk. Solidifying plans for the fourth as well as mudding up plans for the rest of the week. I’ll explain in a bit.
Wednesday was a day of sun-soaking, liquor-drinking, river-floating fun. The exception to that was that I really didn’t drink—although everyone else did. I was the DD. Less than two miles off the river, I got pulled over going 54 in a 55. The officer ran my license and thanked me for being a DD. It was exciting and I just about crapped myself. Oh the stories I could tell from the river but perhaps you had to be there… if you really want to hear some just ask. I’ve got everything from sobriety checks to leachy bottoms to people incapable of keeping their shirts on.
Thursday was back to work. I was rather lobster-esque after Wednesday’s expeditions. Went for a truly leisurely walk while discussing the inability for people to act upon what they are thinking. (I miss writing in opaque sentences with hidden meanings so I thought I would drop one in.)
Friday. TGIF. To bad I work every Saturday until I am no longer of childbearing years–or so it seems it will last that long. The systems crashed at work today. That is always a good time. “No unfortunately we do not have an SLA for when the systems will be back up. Technology is aware of the issue and does have a master ticket open at this time. Hopefully it will not be too long. Yes that maintenance can be submitted manually using the XYZ form.”
Saturday I will head back to the J.O.B. 4:30 p.m. I am out the door and off to the lake. It seems that when the weather throws you things like temps close to 100*, you get a bit feisty and decide to leave town for the lake. Bonfire with s’mores and hot dogs cannot really be argued with.
Now I suppose, unless you got side tracked by my wandering conversation I should digress back to the “I’ll explain in a bit” portion of earlier said text. While I have started to kind of date (it’s still in a questionable status) I have just about thrown in the towel seventy-two gazillion times the past two weeks. First of all, please do not tell me that you are a recovering alcoholic/drug addict whose parents threw you into rehab. Especially don’t tell me this on our first date. While it saves me time in slowly drudging this out of you, it makes the date a lot less appealing. Secondly, please do not tell me that you believe in a “higher power” even if you don’t choose to call “it” God. Especially don’t follow that up with yeah I believe there was a guy named Jesus (gee-sus) and if you live in Mexico you probably called him Jesus (hey-suess). Thirdly, I really would rather not know that you have “started many relationships on the physical side” but are trying to stay away from that now. I do not want your STDs.
If for some reason you still think that after three strikes you still might have a chance, here is a good way to lose it. When talking to me a week later, if I say I don’t really have plans for the rest of the week, do not say, “Well let me know after you plan your week. We should do something.” I will be likely to schedule my entire week without you in it and then say that’s too bad when you call three days later to see what I am doing and then you proceed to sound like a kicked puppy when I say I have other plans. Just a thought.
Here is what you should do if you feel that you have the potential to crawl back out from under the fifty ton boulder that squashed any chance you may have had. “Gee I really had fun last week. What are your plans for this week? Really, nothing going on after the fourth? How about we (fill in the blank with any remotely fun, semi public because I still think you might be a rapist who will hack me into tiny pieces and leave me by the roadside activity) on Thursday/Friday. Great, I can’t wait…”
Perhaps then I might thin that you have some balls and might be worth my time.
Oh. As promised I also bought some cherries this week. I know you were wondering.
This week in the life of Liz. orig posted 7.1.07
This week in the life of Liz.
by Liz Anderson on Sunday, 1 July 2007 at 21:40 ·
So, on to my week..
In the past week I went to Alex to spend some time at the lake. Jess and Betsy went with me and as a result got smothered with love from my family and also got a piece of birthday cake as it was my sister's birthday party. (She turned 30.) Monday I was up late chatting with random individuals (see point four above) and was invited out on a date. So Tuesday I went on a date. I had super hot hair that day by the way... The guy was interesting but... perhaps not what I am looking for. Wednesday I had the day off. I grilled that evening. I had BBQ chicken but also made brats and marinated pork chops for guests. The rest of the workweek was fairly uneventful. I tried to make a cake on Saturday because I wanted angel food cake. However, the work tried is extremely important in the previous sentence, as while I did end up with a cake, it was an extremely black cake. Apparently cake should not bake for and hour and a half while you eat supper and then run to Target and out for ice cream... And finally today, I went to church, then out for bagels and this afternoon I took my niece to Thunder Road. It was fun.
So that covered a bit more than a week (nine days) but I felt my trip to the lake was worth it.
Highlights for the coming week include but are not limited to: a trip down the Ottertail and grocery shopping for cheap cherries. Stay tuned!
Friday, May 6, 2011
And then it happens again.
Sometimes I just want you to want to hang out with me, to talk to me and moreover to listen to me. I don't want to fight with you to want to hang out with me. Is that too much to ask?
If I gave you a mirror would you be just as content? Would you notice that you were by yourself? That I wasn't there? That you were just talking to your own reflection? Or wouldn't it make a difference because whenever you cared enough to look "I" would be looking too and really that's all that matters?
It doesn't really matter I guess. None of it does. Because the next time you have a rotten day and your husband drinks too much and you think you are getting divorced and you just had a pregnancy scare and you lose your job and breakup with that ass of a boyfriend and your kid is sick, I'll still be there. Because in my mind that's what friends are for. To be there. To love you. And to listen. Even if it's never been and never will be reciprocated.
If I gave you a mirror would you be just as content? Would you notice that you were by yourself? That I wasn't there? That you were just talking to your own reflection? Or wouldn't it make a difference because whenever you cared enough to look "I" would be looking too and really that's all that matters?
It doesn't really matter I guess. None of it does. Because the next time you have a rotten day and your husband drinks too much and you think you are getting divorced and you just had a pregnancy scare and you lose your job and breakup with that ass of a boyfriend and your kid is sick, I'll still be there. Because in my mind that's what friends are for. To be there. To love you. And to listen. Even if it's never been and never will be reciprocated.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Where you belong.
I have packed you into a box. You and all of the emotions surrounding you are in a great big box that I have haphazardly yet meticulously taped shut and put up on the top shelf in the corner of this thing I call life. Out of the way. Out of sight, out of mind.
And this works. It works well in fact. It works well until the room that the shelf is in fills up with emotions and fills up with shit. And as it does I don't even have to try to get to that top shelf because the room fills and pushes me toward you and that damn box where I put you. Where I said good riddance to you.
There I sit with the only decision to be made being do I continue to wade is the literal, figurative and emotional pile of crap or do I break down, climb up on that shelf and reluctantly open the box?
And I stare at the box.
And I know I will never open it.
And this works. It works well in fact. It works well until the room that the shelf is in fills up with emotions and fills up with shit. And as it does I don't even have to try to get to that top shelf because the room fills and pushes me toward you and that damn box where I put you. Where I said good riddance to you.
There I sit with the only decision to be made being do I continue to wade is the literal, figurative and emotional pile of crap or do I break down, climb up on that shelf and reluctantly open the box?
And I stare at the box.
And I know I will never open it.
Friday, September 10, 2010
a true statement
I am a writer. Some of you may be thinking "umm yeah.. you wrote this" and others may be thinking "ok writer, where's your novel?" But I am so much more than that. I am a writer within.
I will speak what I want to write over and over so that the words spilling out of my lips will be ingrained and not lost before they can be recorded.
I may never write a novel but I will dictate my soul.
I will speak what I want to write over and over so that the words spilling out of my lips will be ingrained and not lost before they can be recorded.
I may never write a novel but I will dictate my soul.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Non-existant, ever-present
The first part of this was written a few weeks ago ...
I don't even know what to write any more. A topic that has taken my thoughts and notebook for almost two years is null and void. Well not really the topic but the person. The topic is in limbo. I am not looking to date right now. Something about being hurt makes a person shy away from it. Perhaps we had it right last night when we toasted to finding love without finding love. Maybe I need to find something not someone to love - to fill that need for passion in my life. It feels like I am trying to make myself numb - successfully at that. Make it so I don't feel anything. It's safer that way. Sometimes I think it is better to feel nothing than to hurt. And sometimes I think it is oh so wrong.
'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Fact or fiction. -- I'm torn.
To go from love to loss/hurt to void makes me feel empty. (I guess by definition it would.)
He ruined a good thing without even knowing it. Or maybe he did. I understand my aloofness didn't help. But he was the one who walked into my "ridiculously-happily-single" life and turned it upside down. I didn't ask for that. But now I am stuck with the aftermath; trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to fit the puzzle of the life I once knew back together.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
But life does go on. Nights get easier and days go faster. There are days when I think it may even go back to "normal" or at least close to the way it used to be - closer to my normal.. I have been working diligently on finding love without finding love this summer.
I am learning to play the guitar. It is therapeutic. Just knowing that I am doing something for nothing other than because I want to. And no one can or will say anything about it. And I have time for it. And I can.
I have rediscovered my spot at the park. My spot where I can escape everything if I want to. Not because it is so "out-of-the-way" but because it is serene - because no one bothers me there - because the river is flowing by - because for a split moment in this chaotic place I can imagine I am in the middle of no where. And that is comforting.
I don't even know what to write any more. A topic that has taken my thoughts and notebook for almost two years is null and void. Well not really the topic but the person. The topic is in limbo. I am not looking to date right now. Something about being hurt makes a person shy away from it. Perhaps we had it right last night when we toasted to finding love without finding love. Maybe I need to find something not someone to love - to fill that need for passion in my life. It feels like I am trying to make myself numb - successfully at that. Make it so I don't feel anything. It's safer that way. Sometimes I think it is better to feel nothing than to hurt. And sometimes I think it is oh so wrong.
'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Fact or fiction. -- I'm torn.
To go from love to loss/hurt to void makes me feel empty. (I guess by definition it would.)
He ruined a good thing without even knowing it. Or maybe he did. I understand my aloofness didn't help. But he was the one who walked into my "ridiculously-happily-single" life and turned it upside down. I didn't ask for that. But now I am stuck with the aftermath; trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to fit the puzzle of the life I once knew back together.
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
But life does go on. Nights get easier and days go faster. There are days when I think it may even go back to "normal" or at least close to the way it used to be - closer to my normal.. I have been working diligently on finding love without finding love this summer.
I am learning to play the guitar. It is therapeutic. Just knowing that I am doing something for nothing other than because I want to. And no one can or will say anything about it. And I have time for it. And I can.
I have rediscovered my spot at the park. My spot where I can escape everything if I want to. Not because it is so "out-of-the-way" but because it is serene - because no one bothers me there - because the river is flowing by - because for a split moment in this chaotic place I can imagine I am in the middle of no where. And that is comforting.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
mentally, emotionally and physically. think about it.
When a bird lands on a reed in the ditch and it bows a little too much, is that when it knows it needs to go on a diet?
I went home today to visit my grandma in the hospital. It was sudden, unexpected and unplanned. Three things I pride myself on not including in my life. Though I am learning that perhaps these are some of the best qualities to include.
Sometimes things happen out of the blue. Friends you haven't talked to in years call you just to say hi and catch up. Your sister calls and asks if you are sitting down - only to tell you that you grandma is in the hospital and they don't know what is wrong. People you thought you could never live your life without walk away without a word and you don't find out why until years later - if ever.
Things that seem like a tragedy at the time are often just a reminder of the fleeting nature of life on this earth. A reminder to suck it up and deal, that it probably isn't as life altering as you may have thought because guess what.. Life is still going on all around you. The question then becomes, when are you going to join it again and stop living in your past.
Things aren't perfect. Grandma still has to get some numbers "in check" before she can head home to the farm again. But just seeing her today did two things for me. First, it made me really appreciate all the time I have had with her and all she has taught me, including the value of family. I trust that this is not the end of that time or that learning. And secondly, her sheer determination that she will be back at the farm, not in the hospital, reminded me of a determined self I once knew. A determined self that isn't afraid to pull up the proverbial "big-girl panties" and deal with life as it comes at her.
So here it goes. With one foot in front of the other (or so I have been told), I am stepping out into my now and looking into my future.
When I push with one hand and pull with the other, I just end up spinning in circles until I fall down dizzy.
I went home today to visit my grandma in the hospital. It was sudden, unexpected and unplanned. Three things I pride myself on not including in my life. Though I am learning that perhaps these are some of the best qualities to include.
Sometimes things happen out of the blue. Friends you haven't talked to in years call you just to say hi and catch up. Your sister calls and asks if you are sitting down - only to tell you that you grandma is in the hospital and they don't know what is wrong. People you thought you could never live your life without walk away without a word and you don't find out why until years later - if ever.
Things that seem like a tragedy at the time are often just a reminder of the fleeting nature of life on this earth. A reminder to suck it up and deal, that it probably isn't as life altering as you may have thought because guess what.. Life is still going on all around you. The question then becomes, when are you going to join it again and stop living in your past.
Things aren't perfect. Grandma still has to get some numbers "in check" before she can head home to the farm again. But just seeing her today did two things for me. First, it made me really appreciate all the time I have had with her and all she has taught me, including the value of family. I trust that this is not the end of that time or that learning. And secondly, her sheer determination that she will be back at the farm, not in the hospital, reminded me of a determined self I once knew. A determined self that isn't afraid to pull up the proverbial "big-girl panties" and deal with life as it comes at her.
So here it goes. With one foot in front of the other (or so I have been told), I am stepping out into my now and looking into my future.
When I push with one hand and pull with the other, I just end up spinning in circles until I fall down dizzy.
Monday, April 28, 2008
TWITLOL v1 i9
Police cars, podcasts and nightly sex romps.
It has been a while since there was an installment of TWITLOL so here goes.
Since last I posted I have become older (literally, I had a birthday), I have been kept awake at night and been woke up early by my darling neighbors repeatedly, endured the squishy quarters of the back seat of a police car, worried for people’s safety, celebrated Christmas with friends and family, gone on a few epic dates and rekindled my love of arts and crafts.
Where to begin… I guess I will start chronologically. So in December I celebrated the first anniversary of my 25th birthday. It was a good time and spanned over 10 days. For my actual birthday I took the day off as well as the day after. I relaxed, went in for a massage and then out for supper with friends. Point of interest: The new Mexican Village on 45th St has $1 Margaritas on Tuesdays now like the one downtown although at the time of my birthday they were on Wednesdays.
The next night I went out on one of these epic dates. If you have been reading my posts from the start you will likely notice that almost every guy I go out with ends up with a story reference name. This guys name became five dates guy. Not because we went out five times mind you. Rather we went on five dates in one night. It was rather interesting. We met at the Plains Art Museum (those of you from Fosston may appreciate that Mr. Sorenson has a piece on display there), headed for supper at the HuHot, for ice cream at Cold Stone, shopping at Kohl’s, bowling and then a movie back at my place. As you might be guessing this did definitely up the average length of my dates. Previously it was around an hour to an hour and a half. This one lasted 12 hours. A bit ridiculous but fun all the same. One might think that after spending that much time and energy on one person that there may be something there. Alas there is not. A few weeks, another lengthy date and a cancelled date due to family emergency later he told me that he didn’t really like the fact that my cat lives in my apartment. If you are reading this you know me and can about imagine how this went over…
Christmas went off with out too much of a hitch. It was celebrated several times over about two and a half weeks. The first excursion was a secular Christmas entitled “The 12 Bars of Christmas.” It was definitely a good time. I won’t name any names but there was a bit of emesis and a few lost articles including a checkbook and a pair of glasses. I love my girls! You can check out the pics if you want more details of the night… From there the more traditional Christmas started. I celebrated with my immediate family, my mom’s side, my dad’s side and my girls (on different days). It has been a while since I have felt not excluded at Christmas time but this year was good. I can truly say that I enjoyed it.
With the new year came a barrage of resolutions. They are still peppered over my notebooks and a few even made it to my fridge. One of these resolutions was to get back in touch with my creative side. So at any given time you will see me crocheting, knitting, painting, crafting in general. Overall I am just trying to not live my life wrapped in the plain brown packaging. I want something more.
More awake hours was not one of my resolutions although my neighbors decided to help me out with that one. They (the upstairs ones) have taken to nightly sex romps which tend to keep me awake. In fact they then expanded this practice to include wholesome Saturday mornings when you should be watching cartoons not creating more children to watch cartoons. My neighbors to my bedroom/bathroom wall also apparently enjoy this pastime although they take it a step further and to the shower. Dreadful.
I also managed to get into a car accident in the middle of January about a week before my parents left for vacation in Vegas. This proved to be unfortunate yet very convenient for me. While I had to fight tooth and nail to get the other insurance company to pay for the damages on my car (despite their driver turning into the wrong lane and hitting me head on while I was stopped at a stop sign…) this meant I had access to my parents’ van while they were gone so I wasn’t without a vehicle. Handy indeed since this was the time frame when ND decided to hit all-time low temperatures and wind chills. It would have been a rather chilly walk to and from work otherwise. As a result of this accident, I also got to hang out in the back seat of a police car. An experience I had never had. It is squishy. There isn’t much leg room and yes I did try to open the door myself. It doesn’t work. Turns out they don’t actually want felons to be able to let themselves out so yeah… I looked like an idiot. An experience all the same.
Mom and Dad had a good trip. They got to visit lots of friend and family. When they got back it was but a few days before they made a return trip to Fargo. Dad had a doctor appointment the next Monday. Last summer he had a spot on his leg that wouldn’t go away. After much prodding and a prominently placed article on Lyme’s disease, he went to get it checked in Fosston. The doctor there said that since dad hasn’t really been to the hospital since he was born that he should have a full physical. So he did. It was during the routine lab work that they noticed he had an elevated prostate hormone level. While it is normal for this to rise with age Dad didn’t have a base line so they recommended a biopsy to test further. This was his appointment a week after vacation.
We were told ahead of time that it was 50/50 low grade infection or cancer. We hoped for the best and feared the worst as most people would. From there we had an additional two weeks before the results were in. Last Monday as I was sitting at work I received a text from my sister. It was three words and while it was words that while I had tried to prepare myself for I really wasn’t ready for them: It is cancer. The doctor gave Dad five options but recommended surgery. The surgery they scheduled for 4 weeks out if he should decide to go that route.
Try as I might to look at this positively, I had troubles with this. I realize that this was good news. It was great that there were so many options. It was also great that it wasn’t so pressing and the surgery could wait for a month. But at the same time it meant that my dad’s body is filled with poison and I could only picture him rotting from the inside out. I had visions of when he had the surgery that they would find cancer everywhere and they would just close him up and give him months maybe weeks to live.. I understand that this isn’t rational but it is where my mind wandered and on occasion still does.
Dad thought he had a choice in the matter. What he didn’t count on was having three children who made the decision for him. I understand that I am taking the long, winding, often detoured road of life that may or may not end up at marriage. However, I know that even if I don’t get married for 20 years I want my dad to be there to walk me down the aisle. A week ago when my parents were down for the appointment I was tired so I curled up on the couch and laid my head on my dad’s chest. After the text on Monday, I couldn’t help but think that that may be that last time I get to do that. It’s kind of funny how the little things in life become monumental when you get news like this. My brother took a similar approach. The difference for him was the girls. Meg has already lost one grandpa to cancer and to stand back and do nothing is clearly not an option.
So now we are working through pre-op appointments. In fact my parents are currently sleeping in my bed as I type this. Dad gets to go give blood in the morning so they have an exact match when he has surgery on April 1. I would like to think of myself as a strong person. But the past few weeks have proven me otherwise. Now that I know dad is committed to the surgery it helps but I still can’t keep myself from crying when I think about the possibility of life without him - however irrational that is.
So there you have it. The long and varied path of my past few months. Details have been omitted due to poor memory, lack of space and prioritization. If you made it this far, kudos to you. Love and God bless. Do me a favor and call your parents and tell them you love them.
It has been a while since there was an installment of TWITLOL so here goes.
Since last I posted I have become older (literally, I had a birthday), I have been kept awake at night and been woke up early by my darling neighbors repeatedly, endured the squishy quarters of the back seat of a police car, worried for people’s safety, celebrated Christmas with friends and family, gone on a few epic dates and rekindled my love of arts and crafts.
Where to begin… I guess I will start chronologically. So in December I celebrated the first anniversary of my 25th birthday. It was a good time and spanned over 10 days. For my actual birthday I took the day off as well as the day after. I relaxed, went in for a massage and then out for supper with friends. Point of interest: The new Mexican Village on 45th St has $1 Margaritas on Tuesdays now like the one downtown although at the time of my birthday they were on Wednesdays.
The next night I went out on one of these epic dates. If you have been reading my posts from the start you will likely notice that almost every guy I go out with ends up with a story reference name. This guys name became five dates guy. Not because we went out five times mind you. Rather we went on five dates in one night. It was rather interesting. We met at the Plains Art Museum (those of you from Fosston may appreciate that Mr. Sorenson has a piece on display there), headed for supper at the HuHot, for ice cream at Cold Stone, shopping at Kohl’s, bowling and then a movie back at my place. As you might be guessing this did definitely up the average length of my dates. Previously it was around an hour to an hour and a half. This one lasted 12 hours. A bit ridiculous but fun all the same. One might think that after spending that much time and energy on one person that there may be something there. Alas there is not. A few weeks, another lengthy date and a cancelled date due to family emergency later he told me that he didn’t really like the fact that my cat lives in my apartment. If you are reading this you know me and can about imagine how this went over…
Christmas went off with out too much of a hitch. It was celebrated several times over about two and a half weeks. The first excursion was a secular Christmas entitled “The 12 Bars of Christmas.” It was definitely a good time. I won’t name any names but there was a bit of emesis and a few lost articles including a checkbook and a pair of glasses. I love my girls! You can check out the pics if you want more details of the night… From there the more traditional Christmas started. I celebrated with my immediate family, my mom’s side, my dad’s side and my girls (on different days). It has been a while since I have felt not excluded at Christmas time but this year was good. I can truly say that I enjoyed it.
With the new year came a barrage of resolutions. They are still peppered over my notebooks and a few even made it to my fridge. One of these resolutions was to get back in touch with my creative side. So at any given time you will see me crocheting, knitting, painting, crafting in general. Overall I am just trying to not live my life wrapped in the plain brown packaging. I want something more.
More awake hours was not one of my resolutions although my neighbors decided to help me out with that one. They (the upstairs ones) have taken to nightly sex romps which tend to keep me awake. In fact they then expanded this practice to include wholesome Saturday mornings when you should be watching cartoons not creating more children to watch cartoons. My neighbors to my bedroom/bathroom wall also apparently enjoy this pastime although they take it a step further and to the shower. Dreadful.
I also managed to get into a car accident in the middle of January about a week before my parents left for vacation in Vegas. This proved to be unfortunate yet very convenient for me. While I had to fight tooth and nail to get the other insurance company to pay for the damages on my car (despite their driver turning into the wrong lane and hitting me head on while I was stopped at a stop sign…) this meant I had access to my parents’ van while they were gone so I wasn’t without a vehicle. Handy indeed since this was the time frame when ND decided to hit all-time low temperatures and wind chills. It would have been a rather chilly walk to and from work otherwise. As a result of this accident, I also got to hang out in the back seat of a police car. An experience I had never had. It is squishy. There isn’t much leg room and yes I did try to open the door myself. It doesn’t work. Turns out they don’t actually want felons to be able to let themselves out so yeah… I looked like an idiot. An experience all the same.
Mom and Dad had a good trip. They got to visit lots of friend and family. When they got back it was but a few days before they made a return trip to Fargo. Dad had a doctor appointment the next Monday. Last summer he had a spot on his leg that wouldn’t go away. After much prodding and a prominently placed article on Lyme’s disease, he went to get it checked in Fosston. The doctor there said that since dad hasn’t really been to the hospital since he was born that he should have a full physical. So he did. It was during the routine lab work that they noticed he had an elevated prostate hormone level. While it is normal for this to rise with age Dad didn’t have a base line so they recommended a biopsy to test further. This was his appointment a week after vacation.
We were told ahead of time that it was 50/50 low grade infection or cancer. We hoped for the best and feared the worst as most people would. From there we had an additional two weeks before the results were in. Last Monday as I was sitting at work I received a text from my sister. It was three words and while it was words that while I had tried to prepare myself for I really wasn’t ready for them: It is cancer. The doctor gave Dad five options but recommended surgery. The surgery they scheduled for 4 weeks out if he should decide to go that route.
Try as I might to look at this positively, I had troubles with this. I realize that this was good news. It was great that there were so many options. It was also great that it wasn’t so pressing and the surgery could wait for a month. But at the same time it meant that my dad’s body is filled with poison and I could only picture him rotting from the inside out. I had visions of when he had the surgery that they would find cancer everywhere and they would just close him up and give him months maybe weeks to live.. I understand that this isn’t rational but it is where my mind wandered and on occasion still does.
Dad thought he had a choice in the matter. What he didn’t count on was having three children who made the decision for him. I understand that I am taking the long, winding, often detoured road of life that may or may not end up at marriage. However, I know that even if I don’t get married for 20 years I want my dad to be there to walk me down the aisle. A week ago when my parents were down for the appointment I was tired so I curled up on the couch and laid my head on my dad’s chest. After the text on Monday, I couldn’t help but think that that may be that last time I get to do that. It’s kind of funny how the little things in life become monumental when you get news like this. My brother took a similar approach. The difference for him was the girls. Meg has already lost one grandpa to cancer and to stand back and do nothing is clearly not an option.
So now we are working through pre-op appointments. In fact my parents are currently sleeping in my bed as I type this. Dad gets to go give blood in the morning so they have an exact match when he has surgery on April 1. I would like to think of myself as a strong person. But the past few weeks have proven me otherwise. Now that I know dad is committed to the surgery it helps but I still can’t keep myself from crying when I think about the possibility of life without him - however irrational that is.
So there you have it. The long and varied path of my past few months. Details have been omitted due to poor memory, lack of space and prioritization. If you made it this far, kudos to you. Love and God bless. Do me a favor and call your parents and tell them you love them.
Does this make me a good lover?
Propensity for Monogamy:
Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is low.
You've probably either had only one relationship..
Or all of your relationships have been very similar.
You still have a lot to learn... and a lot to try!
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.
The Five Variable Love Test
http://www.blogthings.com/thefivevariablelovetest/
Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.
Experience Level:
Your experience level is low.
You've probably either had only one relationship..
Or all of your relationships have been very similar.
You still have a lot to learn... and a lot to try!
Dominance:
Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.
Cynicism:
Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.
Independence:
Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.
The Five Variable Love Test
http://www.blogthings.com/
random ramblings
Death is all around us. Working in the nursing home I became rather accustomed to it in fact. While it is hard to let go sometimes it is for the best. That however doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt.
Last night I was talking to one of my friends and former co-worker from the nursing home and she had been browsing the obituaries (a casual habit) online and saw that one of out residents has passed away. For this resident death could perhaps be considered a blessing. She was elderly, her body was riddled with arthritis and she had numerous other ailments as well. She was one of my spunkiest residents despite this.
When I got to work today I casually greeted my co-workers as normal. The mood was a touch melancholy but nothing abnormal. As I was chatting throughout the morning I learned that the one gal’s cat had dies this morning. She is a much stronger person that I am.
If you are reading this you know me relatively well and thereby know that I am extremely attached to my cat. If something were to happen to him I would not be at work. In fact I would likely have other people missing work/school to be with me for at least a day. Case in point, when George went in for his “standard, happens to most house cats” neuter surgery I sat pensively at home waiting for the phone to ring so I could go pick him up. Practically in tears, and in tears at points, I sat staring into space dodging the taunting of my family who thought I was being foolish. I didn’t agree.
Two days ago one of my friends changed their Facebook status to “is mourning.” Silly I know to keep tabs on people via Facebook but it works. When I contacted him as to why/what he was mourning his reply was that someone he knew had been murdered. Death is one aspect of life that we accept, even view as inevitable, but the notion that someone has such animosity toward another person (or themselves in the case of suicide - but that is another topic for another day) that they would be willing to take their life is beyond fathomable for me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that it happens on a daily basis but I still cannot see it as a justifiable act.
You see I have this problem. I care about people - animals included. As a result it breaks me a bit each time I hear of or experience something bad (death could be classified as something bad) happening to someone, especially someone I know. So while I can Acknowledge and accept it, death is not something I care to think about - at least not often. Unfortunately it has presented itself repeatedly recently and I needed to address it.
Last night I was talking to one of my friends and former co-worker from the nursing home and she had been browsing the obituaries (a casual habit) online and saw that one of out residents has passed away. For this resident death could perhaps be considered a blessing. She was elderly, her body was riddled with arthritis and she had numerous other ailments as well. She was one of my spunkiest residents despite this.
When I got to work today I casually greeted my co-workers as normal. The mood was a touch melancholy but nothing abnormal. As I was chatting throughout the morning I learned that the one gal’s cat had dies this morning. She is a much stronger person that I am.
If you are reading this you know me relatively well and thereby know that I am extremely attached to my cat. If something were to happen to him I would not be at work. In fact I would likely have other people missing work/school to be with me for at least a day. Case in point, when George went in for his “standard, happens to most house cats” neuter surgery I sat pensively at home waiting for the phone to ring so I could go pick him up. Practically in tears, and in tears at points, I sat staring into space dodging the taunting of my family who thought I was being foolish. I didn’t agree.
Two days ago one of my friends changed their Facebook status to “is mourning.” Silly I know to keep tabs on people via Facebook but it works. When I contacted him as to why/what he was mourning his reply was that someone he knew had been murdered. Death is one aspect of life that we accept, even view as inevitable, but the notion that someone has such animosity toward another person (or themselves in the case of suicide - but that is another topic for another day) that they would be willing to take their life is beyond fathomable for me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that it happens on a daily basis but I still cannot see it as a justifiable act.
You see I have this problem. I care about people - animals included. As a result it breaks me a bit each time I hear of or experience something bad (death could be classified as something bad) happening to someone, especially someone I know. So while I can Acknowledge and accept it, death is not something I care to think about - at least not often. Unfortunately it has presented itself repeatedly recently and I needed to address it.
Christmas Letter 2007 (spoiler alert)
Some of you may be getting this in the mail... but here's a pre-read...
What a year it has been. I didn't have to move which I guess is good. But I get left alone every day when Liz. goes to work. Don't get me wrong, I like to hang out by myself but when she comes home from work I make her feel bad about it daily. Some days I am more effective than others. All the same I did get stuck on a diet (or as Liz. calls it - lifestyle behavior modifications) this year with some decent results. Note my fit and trim figure in my picture.
I have actually used my alone time to hone my typing skills and since Liz. has been so slow to get the letter written this year I thought I would try my paw at it.
In July Liz. went on vacation which in turn meant I got to vacation to the farm. Life on the farm is always nice. I enjoyed spending time with Riley as well as being able to mouse and feel the grass between my toes. Needless to mention I was spoiled rotten as well.
Back in Fargo Liz. has taken to entertaining. While this may not be new, Fargo has definitely opened up more opportunities for time as well as different people to visit. My personal favorite is when aunt Jess comes over. She knows where the treat drawer is and isn't afraid to use it. Feel free by the way to send me shaved tuna flakes at any time.
Let's see, highlights from our year include:
>Liz. cross-trained at work which means better hours (no Saturdays)
>Liz. got a new niece - Miss Sophia Marie born October 3
>Liz. had a poem published in a summer anthology of poetry. (I'll include a copy below)
>Liz. ... you know I am feeling a bit left out here. Again feel free to send me shaved tuna flakes at any point.
Ok, ok... really I am done now. As promised here is the poem:
No Fishing
It was clearly posted
But even that did not slow him down
As he cast into the water
And reeled back in
He was looking for water
Looking for food
Looking for information
The lake was not giving
But he did not give up
Day after day he returned
Searching for something
Something to quench his thirst
Finding nothing
Getting wet.
Liz. Anderson
Copyright ©2007 Liz. Anderson
With that, May your food bowl always be full,
may there always be a catnip laced butterfly to chase,
and may there always be someone to scratch your belly.
Merry Christmas!
Love to all!
-George
What a year it has been. I didn't have to move which I guess is good. But I get left alone every day when Liz. goes to work. Don't get me wrong, I like to hang out by myself but when she comes home from work I make her feel bad about it daily. Some days I am more effective than others. All the same I did get stuck on a diet (or as Liz. calls it - lifestyle behavior modifications) this year with some decent results. Note my fit and trim figure in my picture.
I have actually used my alone time to hone my typing skills and since Liz. has been so slow to get the letter written this year I thought I would try my paw at it.
In July Liz. went on vacation which in turn meant I got to vacation to the farm. Life on the farm is always nice. I enjoyed spending time with Riley as well as being able to mouse and feel the grass between my toes. Needless to mention I was spoiled rotten as well.
Back in Fargo Liz. has taken to entertaining. While this may not be new, Fargo has definitely opened up more opportunities for time as well as different people to visit. My personal favorite is when aunt Jess comes over. She knows where the treat drawer is and isn't afraid to use it. Feel free by the way to send me shaved tuna flakes at any time.
Let's see, highlights from our year include:
>Liz. cross-trained at work which means better hours (no Saturdays)
>Liz. got a new niece - Miss Sophia Marie born October 3
>Liz. had a poem published in a summer anthology of poetry. (I'll include a copy below)
>Liz. ... you know I am feeling a bit left out here. Again feel free to send me shaved tuna flakes at any point.
Ok, ok... really I am done now. As promised here is the poem:
No Fishing
It was clearly posted
But even that did not slow him down
As he cast into the water
And reeled back in
He was looking for water
Looking for food
Looking for information
The lake was not giving
But he did not give up
Day after day he returned
Searching for something
Something to quench his thirst
Finding nothing
Getting wet.
Liz. Anderson
Copyright ©2007 Liz. Anderson
With that, May your food bowl always be full,
may there always be a catnip laced butterfly to chase,
and may there always be someone to scratch your belly.
Merry Christmas!
Love to all!
-George
TWITLOL v1 i8
So for the past three and a half weeks I have had a lot of time to think and reflect on the “important things” in my life. As a result I am publishing a TWITLOL for things I am thankful for. It seemed fitting considering the recent holiday and all. So here goes in no particular order:
My faith - I have met a lot of people who don’t know what/who they have faith in. While I may have days that I question if God is really there, I know deep down that he is a passionate and loving God and he will never leave me.
Family - immediate, extended, blood, marriage, it matters not. I am very thankful for the love and support of my family.
Friends - old, new, past, present, close, casual acquaintances, long-term, short-term - each person casts a series of shadow and light into your life helping to mold you into the person that you are today.
My cat - as much as I get made fun of for my cat, he is an important part of my life. He has been with me through more than anyone else and probably knows more about me than anyone else as well. The added bonus to that is he will never tell anyone. Sure there are days when I get frustrated with him and want to give him away, but that is with any relationship. In fact if you are reading this I have likely at one point thought that my life would be better without you. But please do not take offense to this. If you do please reread the previous point.
My apartment - I hate living in an apartment and would much rather be in a house but the fact of the matter is I have a place to live and that is a lot more than many people.
Food - I have realized that there are several times in any given week when I will go to my kitchen and wonder what to make for breakfast, lunch or supper. Oftentimes, the answer is I don’t have anything in my apartment to eat. That is a lie. There may not be anything that appeals to me at the moment, but there is generally something in my apartment that I could eat. Being picky is a luxury I have been afforded and one that again many people don’t have. They have a question of is there literally anything to eat rather than what would I like.
My job - Some of you may know that I have been applying for new jobs. No major changes but I just different jobs within Wells Fargo in fact even within Banker Connection thus far. In reality, I have a good job. It pays wells and allows me to lead a fairly successful life. It offers excellent benefits, the work environment if generally good, my teammates are fun to be around, my manager to date has been fabulous (although she is leaving December 1), overall my job is great despite my complaints.
To be continued as I am sleepy…
My faith - I have met a lot of people who don’t know what/who they have faith in. While I may have days that I question if God is really there, I know deep down that he is a passionate and loving God and he will never leave me.
Family - immediate, extended, blood, marriage, it matters not. I am very thankful for the love and support of my family.
Friends - old, new, past, present, close, casual acquaintances, long-term, short-term - each person casts a series of shadow and light into your life helping to mold you into the person that you are today.
My cat - as much as I get made fun of for my cat, he is an important part of my life. He has been with me through more than anyone else and probably knows more about me than anyone else as well. The added bonus to that is he will never tell anyone. Sure there are days when I get frustrated with him and want to give him away, but that is with any relationship. In fact if you are reading this I have likely at one point thought that my life would be better without you. But please do not take offense to this. If you do please reread the previous point.
My apartment - I hate living in an apartment and would much rather be in a house but the fact of the matter is I have a place to live and that is a lot more than many people.
Food - I have realized that there are several times in any given week when I will go to my kitchen and wonder what to make for breakfast, lunch or supper. Oftentimes, the answer is I don’t have anything in my apartment to eat. That is a lie. There may not be anything that appeals to me at the moment, but there is generally something in my apartment that I could eat. Being picky is a luxury I have been afforded and one that again many people don’t have. They have a question of is there literally anything to eat rather than what would I like.
My job - Some of you may know that I have been applying for new jobs. No major changes but I just different jobs within Wells Fargo in fact even within Banker Connection thus far. In reality, I have a good job. It pays wells and allows me to lead a fairly successful life. It offers excellent benefits, the work environment if generally good, my teammates are fun to be around, my manager to date has been fabulous (although she is leaving December 1), overall my job is great despite my complaints.
To be continued as I am sleepy…
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